Is Tony Romo the Reason for the Dallas Cowboys Losses?
I have a theory about guys. I admit it’s still a new theory, but the more I ponder it, the more it rings true. The theory is simple, sophomoric even. In every group of guys, there is “That Guy.” You know the one I am talking about. The loud-mouthed, immature douche bag that thinks it is absolutely hilarious to “man-check” his supposed friends.
Every group has one. Whenever you see three or more guys gathered you know, at some point or another, one of those guys will reach out give a little tap. This tap is not friendly and encouraging, but rather the most vile and underhanded blow to the most sensitive of regions.
The situation always plays out the same. The douche will wait until his friends are engrossed in a conversation, or focused on an attractive female who has just walked by, or merely looking the other way. Then comes the strike. With a swing of the arm and snap of the wrist, the victim is rolling on the floor in agony, waiting for the dreaded “stomach feeling” that comes after every nut shot. The attacker meanwhile, is laughing uproariously while the rest of the group looks on in horror and shock.
For those who are still unsure as to what I am talking about when I refer to the dreaded “Man Check,” I offer an example of the lowest of blows.
As I pondered this theory, I realized its implications. The Man-Check guy is not just an annoying friend. He is a cancer of the worst kind. A scourge to the unity of a close group of friends that, if left unchecked (no pun intended) can tear apart even a group of close-knit friends.
The implications in professional sports are simply frightening. If in every group of males, there is that one guy, what havoc could he do to an entire season? What would happen if the Dallas Cowboys Man-Check guy were allowed to roam free, spreading a reign of terror throughout the team? More importantly, who is the Dallas Cowboys Man-Check guy?
This is a question that requires plenty of thought, for the answer is not obvious. As I wonder, it is clear that the Dallas Cowboys season was not lost due to poor coaching or poor on-field performance. It is so clear now what happened. The Man-Check player in the Dallas Cowboys had free reign in 2008 and was able to completely destroy any team moral, resulting in in fighting and a lack of cohesion on the field.
But who was this dastardly villain of the worst sort. I am quick to blame Pacman or Tank Johnson, but that is too easy. Their trouble making is more blatant and open. Guns and strippers are their modus operandi. No, the lowest of villains is not so apparent. He lies in wait, disguising himself as a productive member of the team, waiting for the perfect moment to strike.
As outsiders to the day-to-day workings of the Dallas Cowboys, we will never know for certain whom this harbinger of pain and misery is, but with a little deductive reasoning, I am confident that we can eliminate several characters and eventually hypothesize who the villain is.
Right of the bat we can eliminate any loud mouthed, high profile characters. Pacman and Tank are right out of the mix. Terrell Owens, for the first time in his life, is uninvolved in the shenanigans being discussed. It’s too easy for him. TO likes public attention. Besides the nut tap is too basic for him. No real creativity. Why nut tap when you could accuse others of favoritism?
It’s not TO.
Roy Williams is too new. He’d get knocked out for even thinking of nut tapping someone. The same is true for Felix Jones and Tashard Choice. Jason Witten leads by example, as do Demarcus Ware and Zach Thomas. They would never even dream of performing a man-check. Plus, given their overall size and demeanor, they are unlikely to ever be victims either.
Bradie James can’t, as he is too busy keeping the fans in line with a swift and sure right hook to the glasses.
In looking throughout the roster no one stands out as culpable. Barbie Carpenter would be hung from a goalpost if he tried it. Marion Barber is too quiet. The receivers are too busy whining about their catches and the offensive lineman would never get the timing down. Flozell Adams would always swing too early and either have his tap blocked or would miss completely.
Maybe I am wrong. Maybe there is no man-check guy for the Dallas Cowboys. But wait; there is one person I have not named. Someone who can rest assured that there would never be any retaliation within the team. Someone who is popular enough to get close to every member of the team, yet still be distant enough due to flaky, game losing performances.
This person has an axe to grind. With the pressure of the entire team on him at all times, it is clear that this individual has plenty of frustration that needs an outlet. That’s right. Tony Romo has more than enough motivation to nut tap everyone who crosses him.
It’s perfect. A high profile quarterback with plenty of spotlight and a celebrity girlfriend. No one outside the team would ever suspect Tony Romo, and with numerous individuals within the team complaining about his decision-making and supposed favoritism, Romo has more than enough targets.
It’s so clear now. All of Terrell Owens whining and moaning of favoritism is not an actual complaint. He is trying to draw attention to Romo’s vicious attacks without actually going public with his accusations.
No wonder the offensive line won’t block for him. Why would you protect someone who constantly gives you a quick man-check?
2008 was not a disaster due to any lack of preparation or on-field performance. It was a clear statement that Tony Romo unleashed a reign of terror not seen since the days of Attila the Hun. The Dallas Cowboys lack of production on offense was a concerted effort to get Tony Romo knocked out of games. It was a push to remove the protective covering on any starting quarterback so retribution could be doled out and Tony Romo could be stopped. If only Ed Werder would have covered this story. Maybe the Dallas Cowboys season could have been saved.
Comments
3 Responses to “Is Tony Romo the Reason for the Dallas Cowboys Losses?”
[...] Did Tony Romo cause the downfall of the Cowboys by man-checking his teammates? — (Dallas Sports Fans) [...]
What a load of nonsense. Is this a joke? This is an insult to all the Dallas Cowboys Players. Are they professionals or a bunch of babies. What utter nonsense.
Reign of terror! Ha! Ha! What insane nonsense.